


Remus Lupin’s Guide to That Time of the Moonth

by Laurasauras



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 16:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12798132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: Remus decides to write a guide for his friends to help understand his condition. His friends decide to fix it for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Plain is Remus  
> Bold is James  
> Italics is Sirius

Remus Lupin’s Guide to  ~~Being a Werewolf~~ **That Time of the ~~Month~~**   _Moonth_

 

Written in plain English so even the most ~~idiotic~~ _handsome_ wizards can understand it.

 

Chapter One: Transformation             **How many chapters is this going to be, Moony?**

 

Werewolves transform when the moon rises and the light touches their skin, regardless of what time of year it is. This means that in summer, they can transform when the sun is still in the sky. If the moon never touches their skin, they will still transform, but it will happen later. The transformation is ~~uncomfortable~~ **excruciating, you mean** , but werewolves heal a lot faster than ordinary wizards in order to cope with it. It is easier to transform the younger you are, perhaps because children’s bones and muscles are more flexible than adults.

 

Transformation usually takes less than a minute and the wolf ~~doesn’t notice the pain~~ _is extremely crabby when he first transforms_. When the wolf transforms back to the man, however, he is burdened not only by the discomfort of the transformation, but also any injuries he sustained along the way. When a werewolf is alone, they have no one to bite and scratch but themselves, which is ~~of course preferable to them biting and scratching other people and allowing the infection to spread~~ **awful, and not to be tolerated**.

 

Chapter Two: Werewolf behaviour

 

When isolated, werewolves are destructive to their environment and themselves. During my own transformations, I have covered myself with many scars and broken the rooms I have been confined in. I’ve pulled up floorboards, broken down walls and reduced furniture to nothing. When kept in a simple concrete room, the damage to myself was worse and my fingers have broken from the effort to escape. **Damn, Moony, we can’t make a joke on this one.**

Werewolves have no interest in animals. Once, as a child, my father gave me a cat to take into my room, hoping that I might injure it rather than myself, but when I emerged, the cat was fine. As it was a failed experiment, my father got rid of the cat, but I have to wonder if it may have improved my transformations as my later experiences did.

Because of their lack of interest in animals, Animagi are also safe from werewolves. Not only is a werewolf less likely to bite or scratch them, only attacking if provoked, the bites received do not have the power to transform the Animagi. _I swear I like my steak rarer now, though._ **You’re full of it.** _You just never get bitten!_ **Nobody’s getting past my majestic antlers!**

Of course, most Animagi would not confront an ordinary wolf, either, so they’d be ~~mad~~ _handsome_ to confront a werewolf.

When in the company of animals and Animagi, the werewolf transformation is a lot easier. The man can hold onto his mind easier, remembering events from his time as a wolf, and has some control over his actions. Of course, he is still driven to bite humans, so should never be released from his confines, ~~even under Animagi supervision~~ **unless under the amazing protection of the most clever** _and handsome_ **Animagi in the land.**

It should also be noted that the company of other people/animals seems to make the post-transformation ‘hangover’ a lot more tolerable. **Told you he only lets Padfoot on the bed because it’s good for him.** _I dare you to try getting on the bed as Prongs._ **I’m not an idiot, my antlers will get stuck in the hangings.** _I’ll give you all my dungbombs._ **Maybe …**

Chapter Three: Behaviour during the rest of the month

Werewolves are basically the same as normal wizards for the rest of the month. They feel a bit unwell in the lead up to the full moon and need time to recover afterwards. They heal faster than usual. They have better sight, smell and hearing. **Which he tells us now, not last week when he somehow knew about our plans to break into Slytherin and paint it red and gold.**

_They like chocolate far too much and think that a cup of tea will fix anything. They read when they should be having fun. If you get their books wet or dog hair on the bed, they get cross, which is cute, but if you go too far in a prank, they just get disappointed, which is much worse than when a regular old wizard is disappointed in you. They are morning people, except around the full moon, and are entirely unsympathetic to those who are not morning people. They couldn’t catch a Quaffle if their lives depended on it. They’re rubbish at Potions, but annoyingly good at everything else. They always win at card games. They do the best pranks when they can be persuaded to join in._

**Moony, Padfoot’s writing you a love note!**

_Pssshhh this is just how werewolves are, I’ll show you a love note!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius writes Moony a love note, continuing the joke from the last chapter. Then he realises what he's written and immediately destroys it before Prongs can see it.

_My dearest Moony,_

_One would be forgiven if they thought you did not quite fit into the Marauders, seeing as you never start duels in the corridors and rarely get detentions with the rest of us. However, without your wit and charm, we would not have been able to do half of the pranks, and, let's be honest, I'm talking about the good half._

_You are cool as a cucumber under pressure, and no one will believe me when I tell them you swear the most out of all of us. You are so very classy most of the time, but it's delightful when you're not._

_You are the moon of my life, the charm in my wand (heh, I always thought that was dirty), the motion in my potions._

_I love it when you let me sleep on your bed, even if it's only as Padfoot. I love it how Padfoot and Moony get to have the best tackle-fights every full moon. I love it how I have your mutant bite-marks on my arse, and how no one will ever believe me when I say a werewolf bit me on the bum because I wasn't playing with him enough._

_I love how you have the most ridiculous sweet-tooth out of anyone I've ever met, and the most perfect teeth despite that. Also, three sugars in your tea completely negates the tea taste. That's hot sugar-water._

_I love how you trust your secrets in ~~me~~ us. Your furry little problem, your swearing, the way you never so much as loosen your tie outside, but with us you can hang about in your pants. ~~Nice bod, by the way.~~_

 

 

At this point in the letter, Sirius realised that it wasn't actually funny, it was just sappy, so he Incendio'd it and denied ever writing anything. 'I don't even own a quill, Prongs!' he said. 


End file.
